August 1st already -- wow. Where has the summer gone? Right now I'm listening to the sound of crickets outside the windows. Their chirping brings back ol' Forest Garbage so vividly. In my mind I can still walk out the front door, sit on the steps with the gang and watch night fall...The Olympics ended this evening and for some reason their closing really affected me. I love the Games themselves, but what seemed to be more significant was the way they represent the passage of time. It's hard to comprehend that the next time I see them I might be in a different house with a 2 or 3 year old child...Got some cleaning and maintenance-type things done around here today. Don worked especially hard. Sure would be nice though, if he would mellow out some...Saw "And Then there Were None" on TV. What a classic.
August 2nd
Hullo. Kind of a nothing day at work today. Aaron's still too busy with the Haven contract to pay attention to my memo. I sure do get tired of having to play games with the high-ups; you know -- checking to see what kind of mood they're in before asking a question, etc. Can't wait until I'm high enough to have someone below me. I'll never pull that kind of shit. You can't remain a real person and ignore the Elinors of this world...Called Judy this evening. It was kind of an awkward conversation. She sounded like she used to in the days right after we were married -- a bit phoney and too casual. Her letter sounded more like the old Judy, but maybe she'll snap back, in person. They may be coming to visit the end of August...Had a nice lunch with Gail and Barb...Don's organ lessons are going well...Meeting over Pete's tonight to discuss unionizing.
August 3rd
The days just seem to be going by faster and faster...Had a big national scare today -- over 100 people who attended an American Legion conference in Philadelphia 2 weeks ago came down with an unknown virus that has killed 21 of them. It doesn't appear to be swine flu, but they won't know for sure what it is until tomorrow or the next day. With Dorothy and Barb sick, the swine flu epidemic and now this, I'm really nervous about my chances for a healthy pregnancy (when and if). Guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Five years later, my father came down with a mysterious illness that they thought might be Legionaire's Disease, which is what they named this virus. The doctors weren't sure, but they later blamed it for weakening his heart and ultimately increasing his chances for a heart attack.
Aside from not feeling well, Barb's pretty excited about the possibility of her and Renee moving into that country house out on Skyline Drive. The girls' splitting up seems to represent the end of an era at CB...I had thought that driving the vans was the limit but now they might have me operating the switchboard. Oy vey...Aaron thinks I'm cute. Terrific.
August 4th
Kerri sure was cuddly tonight. She loves being held like a baby and scratched. Let's cross our fingers and hope that she stays well for the rest of the summer...You'll never guess what arrived today -- lo and behold, a BUFFET! Cindy really and truly brought it over around 6 and it looks excellent. Cindy, herself, looks different than I expected, but I guess that you can't help building up a certain mental image of someone based on month after month of just phone conversations...Speaking of never guessing, what do you think they have me doing at ol' CB now? Marketing research for diapers! Stan Seaman is sponsoring it as a fund-raising venture, and yours truly here gets to do the dirty work. They damn sight better get me some help! (Boy my resume is gonna look weird.)
I was trying to talk to doctors about how receptive they'd be to the idea of a new kind of diaper, a disposable one -- HUGGIES!
Aaron's getting a little too huggy-chummy.
In 1976, no one had heard of sexual harrassment yet but that is what I ended up dealing with when I worked under Aaron. It was extremely unpleasant. Thank goodness that no one has to put up with that any longer.
August 5th
So that stuff's no good, huh? Well you is wrong wrong wrong. Smoked a few while watching the Beach Boys Special. What an excellent show -- musically and technically. Sure brings back memories. Don and I had fun fooling around; it's good getting high with someone you can let out all the stops with...No word yet on the cause of that killer disease in PA. It's terrifying to think of that thing as spreading but it doesn't appear to have done so (yet)...Gary helped interpret my dream, pretty much along the lines I had already thought. He's more right than he knows about the different levels of my life...Dial-a-Diaper is going better. Glad to hear they're paying me for it...May finally have ovulated today, if that backache was what I though it was.
August 6th
Weirdo day. Lost my appetite around mid-afternoon and by dinnertime was achey and nauseous. Sure feels like I've been battling some bug or the other this past week. Felt better though after we went out shopping to Sears. Bought some curtain rods and hardware. Except for the pins, we're ready to go! Hard to believe, huh? Will have to do some more checking around though for the kitchen blinds...The weather was ghastly this evening and maybe that had something to do with the way I was feeling. It was all muggy and damp, but with an uncomfortable clammy, cool breeze. Yuck...Don took the day off today to catch up on some home things, and met me at the Center for lunch. I enjoyed introducing him around. He and Pete may go on a 4-day canoe trip next week...Jean heard Esser mention that they need to get money for "Tuckman, Schlenger and Ross". Keep your fingers crossed! Question: Will it [temperature] go up tomorrow?
August 7th
A coupla nice things: Guess who called at 11:30 last night? Yup, the phantom Greenbergs. Once again they had squandered their vacation away and had to return to Atlanta without seeing us. But we did get to talk for almost an hour and Laura will be coming back up in a month for 2 weddings. It felt so good to talk with them again. We really need to have another couple as friends...It went up today! Tomorrow, of course, will tell...Mom called this afternoon, all up in the air about her party. Should be quite some shindig, although I'm not too crazy about being the main attraction. Too bad we can't make the announcement. (Which reminds me, how do you like "Kevin" or "Lauri"?)...Rotten weather today; read and put up curtain rods.
"Lauri" -- interesting. ;-)
August 8th
Boy do I smell like strawberries. We stopped by to see Diana and Jack on the way home from dinner at King's (the other girls were in VA at a bluegrass concert) and they were busy making strawberry jam. Really neat. We helped slice up the berries for the pot, but we had to leave before it got bubbly. We left, though, with a glass of peach jelly, canned earlier today...Today's weather was a continuation of yesterday's only wetter. I spent most of the time reading an Alistair McClean novel while waiting for Don to finish with the curtains in the living room. They took longer than he figured, however, so I didn't really get to do any cleaning...I'm getting awfully discouraged with that ol' temperature chart. It just doesn't make any sense at all. Hopefully this will be a fast and busy week so I don't have time to worry about it. Something good better work out with this diaper business.
August 9th
What an exciting day, for one good reason and one bad one. First the bad: In 2 hours or so, the full force of Hurricane Belle is expected to hit Long Island. They've been evacuating people all day and events have been cancelled left and right. We're not supposed to get it too bad, but we stockpiled some water anyway, just in case we lose electricity. It really is getting scary lately, what with diseases and storms and all that. Maybe the Messiah's coming?..
The good news: In between diaper calls today, I talked with Diane Ryerson about my possible involvement in the Family Life workshops that she and Linda Shimansky are writing up for C&E. In the course of our talk, we got into my OC and ended up in Dorothy's office, brainstorming a way for me to get into the proposal. What we ended up with is a new, separate program on Women Alone, including my area! More tomorrow.
It is so exciting to see here the beginnings of connections that led to big life changes. Aaron's secretary, Anna, was the door that led to me moving to Radburn;Diane and Linda introduced me to seminars for women; and down the road, Linda brought me onto the Board at FLMHC. Ya never know which of the people you meet are gonna be the game-changers...
August 10th
Sunny rises once more! Today was unbelievable what with running back and forth between the diaper survey, the C&E data and my program calls. I could really feel the adrenaline flowing though, and I kept up the pace right til 5:00. So I feel good about me again, but the Center is still as fucked up as ever. The state of affairs is now such that Esser won't even speak to Madame Hershey. Terrific, huh? Well, for my money, Dorothy Burdick is now where it's at and I'm just gonna follow her lead...Went clothes shopping this evening for something to wear to Mom's dinner. What a frustrating experience. Wish I didn't dislike shopping so much. Ended up with a nice pair of black slacks and a top. Now I need shoes and a choker to go with it...Don found a group of people to go Sunday bike-riding with. Hope it works out well. He's been working hard on straightening the cellar and it's really shaping up nicely.
August 11th
And Sunny strikes once more...You'll never believe this one gang, but guess where I'm going tomorrow? To meet with 2 funeral directors! Through a lucky coincidence in my walking through the yellow pages, I hit upon an author of a new pamphlet about widowhood who is involved in the organization of community services for widows. He wants to meet with us to see if there could be a link-up between our agencies and so Aaron and Dorothy are accompanying me over to Hackensack tomorrow. Ya know, I'm really beginning to amaze myself. I have talents, particularly in PR that I never dreamt of! Wish us luck...Went shoe shopping tonight, but no luck. Have to try Globe's on 17. Did get a nice inexpensive necklace at Fortunoff's though...Don cut the grass tonight...Nothing else new.
August 12th
Good evening...Well we tripped on over to the funeral home today and met with Alan Musicant and Steve. It was fascinating to watch Dorothy and Aaron work, but unfortunately nothing immediate was established other than the fact that Dorothy is going to present some ideas to Lebovitz next week when she meets with him. Hopefully we could place a student or staff member with their group and they would put up something along the lines of matching funds. In the meantime I'm going to be writing it up as an offshoot of the larger Women Alone program...Wendy called last night to tell us of her move to a new house and her enrollment in a Biostat and Epid. masters program for the fall. Sounds like she's finally getting her shit together...Barb and Renee over tonight to sort through Barb's slides. It was fun -- we all got kinda slap-happy.
August 13th
Blech. I ate too much of Peter's Chinese cooking feel really bloated. He made some dinner for us over here before he and Don went out for their inflatable kayak lesson. Seems that Pete got given the boat a few days ago and now he and Don are planning a weekend trip down the CT river. Looks like fun; kinda wish I could go too. Called Sue M. to see if maybe she wanted to come up tomorrow, but she has a wedding to go to. She sounded good, though, much better than when I last saw her a year ago...Well the Board is into hatchet jobs again, but I think that I've secured myself a place, at least for now. Aaron and Stan are very pleased with my work and Aaron is writing a memo to that effect to Esser and the Board. Only hope that my results are as good as my current high energy level.
August 14th
Quiet day, but kinda freaky. First off came the phone call of a few minutes ago. Don left with Pete this morning for CT, and at 10 comes this call for him, from someone who identifies himself only as Jim, and mispronounces Schlenger. I'm paranoid enough as it is, staying here alone, but having ingested magic brownies on top of it. Well, after hanging up, I think I figured out who it was (the guy Don met on the bike path) and I only hope that Don can straighten out what happened. Boy was I scared...The other strange thing was that in re-reading my baby books, I finally figured out what the pain of ovulation is supposed to feel like (like a mild appendicitis) and the BINGO, I got it! I thought, man this is too freakin' coincidental, but tomorrow's temp should tell...Schlengers stopped by on their way back from Ocean City. looked good.
August 15th
Nice day today. Quiet, unhurried, personal. (Except for Betty's banging of course. What the hell is she doing up there, shoeing horses?) I straightened, cleaned, played the organ a little, did some desk work. It was pleasant, for a change, not having to hassle or argue about routine matters. I was glad, though, to see Don when they got back at dinnertime. The trip, apparently, was fun, except for the fact that the boat took on water. I think I'd like to get involved in that kind of outing...Son-of-a-gun, temp was 98. That would put expected M time at two weeks from yesterday or after we get back from VA. So here goes the countdown!..Thought I'd throw in that I really am hooked on "Danny" (what? again?). NO, silly, on those frozed yogurts on a stick. Really delicious.
August 16th
What refreshing weather we had today; felt like fall was just around that proverbial corner. Remember going back to school? And Robert Hall sales? And the smell of bookbags and looseleaf pencil holders and lunch boxes and the August issue of "Seventeen"?
Remember shopping at Woodmoor, and Woolworth's at the Plaza; Mitchell's and the Hecht Company? I could, of course, go on and on -- the list is endless. It still seems so real, so here and now it's almost scary; like being in 2 worlds at once sometimes. Maybe planning for a baby brings it that much closer, I dunno. Speaking of which, that ovulation pain or whatever is still here. Do they really go on for 3 days?...Lady Luck smiled down on me again -- I now have a banker interested in my Woman Alone program. C'mon, Sunny, knock 'em dead!..Wish B. Berg some luck now. Joe is really shafting her these days.
August 17th
Darn my feet. Would you believe, there is NO place in Paramus, and probably in NJ either for that matter, that carries 6 AAAs? Lovely, huh? That gives me one morning at Hess' to come up with a fall and winter shoe wardrobe. Shit...Bunny, Jackie and Jamie stopped by the Center today to drop off our anniversary present -- an absolutely magnificent dried flower arrangement for the dining room table. I showed them around Haven, and it felt pretty good. Brian is apparently is back from vacation, and you know, that whole episode of my life seems so long ago and far away. Now it just kinda seems like a shame...This evening the 3 of us took a walk in the park and afterwards played backgammon (no, not Kerri). It was a pleasant atmosphere, the kind of time I miss most sitting outside with friends.
August 18th
Well, it's happened again. For the 3rd time in a year, I'm about to be uprooted. ("I have stood all that I can stand and I can't stands no more!") The board has withdrawn virtually all possibility of my being funded properly within the next few months, and what's more, they're planning to divert all special income into their kitty. Who the hell needs to bust their balls at minimum wage just to have the profits drained away? Well, screw 'em all. As upset as I am with the prospect of leaving such a good staff and of having my ideas and programs nipped in the bud, I'm still prepared to sell my talents elsewhere. And probably not in the mental health field either. I'm now convinced that I can do just about anything, given half a chance, and I may have to do just that. God do I need a vacation!!
August 19th
Boy am I pooped. Ya know something? The world is really crazy (so what else is new?). It would seem that it really doesn't pay to get perturbed by anything, 'cause there's always something else waiting around that little ol' corner. This morning Stan comes in and says that if the Board does make us cough up that $30,000 then he's not gonna do any more contracts through the Center. And would I be interested in working for HIM if nothing else pans out? It would be part-time that could be done from home, and for pregnancy would, of course, be ideal. We'll have to see...Am going ahead with my Needs Survey after we get back...Ford won the nomination and picked Dole as a running mate. How does "President Carter" sound to you?.. K.D. and I ran into a skunk in the park. Ho Ho.
August 20th
Well, here we are again in ol' Bawlmer. What a terrific evening. We stopped at Luskins on the way down and bought a Pong game for Mom and Dad's anniversary. Boy do they love it! And there's a whole bunch of gifts for us stacked up in the corner of their bedroom. Should be a neat weekend...Couldn't wait to get out of work today. The urge to run away on vacation was so strong it was almost a physical thing. Come to think of it, it's been a long time since we've taken off for a week at a time for the sole purpose of relaxing. Let's hope the weather stays nice!..I must say that Don and I were very nice to each other on the way down and it felt especially good in terms of where we are now, 5 years after we said, "I do"...Mom saw Denise Stein's baby and is now all ready to be a grandma. Believe me, it's hard to lie.
August 21st
Boy was the adrenalin flowing tonite, folks. Had a 2 hour conversation with Sue Molofsky that was just amazing. I really like her and am glad that she's planning to stay with us that weekend at the beach. Maybe she'll come up with Sally...Speaking of which, while I talked on the phone this evening, Don, Jeff and Sally went out to a little nightclub to hear a Glenn Miller imitation band play. I didn't feel like going, but Dad said that the band was supposed to be excellent...Went shopping this morning, first with Don and Jeff at Hess' and then with Mom at Newbury Place. Clothes-shopping was rewarding, but trying to get shoes is murder. I ended up with 3 pairs, none exactly what I had in mind. As Mom would say, "shitfuckdamn"...Been playing Pong and it's amazing how competitive everyone is.
August 22nd
God am I zonkered. This day was really something else. This morning we got thrown out of the apartment early as Gladys needed to get started on the place. Dad, Jeff, Don and I had breakfast at the Pancake House and then the 2 of us headed on down to Milton and Sophie's. Unfortunately there's construction down there, and the new development may crowd things to the point where they'll have to move. As much as Don and I would love to live there, I don't think that we could afford the eventual depreciation that would come. Anyway, we took the boat out to the bay and fished for a few hours, but didn't catch anything. I was kinda disappointed. So we came back home to the party. It was a really nice affair. No matter how screwed up we may be individually, we have a damn good time when we're all together.
August 23rd
Am I happy. I sure do love vacations! So here we are again in Shenandoah National Park, at Skyland, in Hazeltop Cabin #155. Five years later and it doesn't look a bit different (other than just a mite bit shabbier). The weather is lovely and hopefully will stay that way. No more hurricanes for us!...One little disturbing note is that for the last 2 days I've had a blood-tinged discharge and this afternoon I experienced slight cramping. Hope it doesn't signify anything...It's so great to breathe clean, fresh air again. Just sitting on our balcony and watching the valley below is an indescribable experience. Am looking forward to unwinding...
August 24th (Our Anniversary)
Five years ago today -- Tuesday, August 24, 1971. And what did we do to celebrate? We walked our socks off, that's what. We hiked a 5 mile loop down the mountain and back up again and let me tell you, some stretches of it were murder. Highlights, though, were the delightful area where we stopped for lunch (by a crystal clear pool from the falls) and the deer that we saw. The food here hasn't really been anything special, but then again it's hard to tell when you've been smashed by a Black Russian. After dinner this evening we took a ride back to Big Meadows, and it was sort of spooky, but neat, riding along the Drive with the mist settling down around you and blurring the edges of the mountains. Tomorrow it's up early for fishing.
August 25th
Well folks, it's time for "Are we or aren't we?" If I'm psyching myself into this, I'm doing a damn good job.
It's hard to re-read this -- the first of so many years of wishing and hoping to be pregnant and coming up short. *sigh* Of course it all worked out in the end but I remember the disappointment vividly.
Went fishing today and had a real/reel education in trout lore/lure (ho ho). We ran into a guy who is writing a guide on trout fishing in this area, and he showed us a good place to stop, and lent us a spinner. We never so much as saw a trout, but we had fun anyway, casting into the trees and watching the butterflies dance. There's something about the sound of rushing water and gently blowing breezes that makes you feel glad to be alive.
August 26th
Well well well, back to Balto again. It's still hot and muggy, but I'm glad that didn't detract from our trip any...This morning we got up early and took a walk near the cabin. It was kinda buggy but it still felt nice to be alone out there, communing with nature. Next came breakfast, then back to the cabin to pack. All in all it was a nice vacation; my only conplaint being that we didn't do any real socializing. Think we'll be back in 5 years?..Went to National [National Fashions, the wholesale millinery company begun by the Hyman family] later in the afternoon and then picked up some crabs for dinner before going over Frank and Gerri's. I listened for awhile to Jeff's multi-band radio. Sure brings back memories, but what doesn't?..Frank and Gerri are as strange as ever, especially with Barney, their new addition. Spoiled rotten, that dog is. Really makes Kerri look like obedience trial material!
August 27th
Shitfuckdamn. Guess what came today. Yup, and that's it for this month. Well, we'll just chalk it up to experience and next should be a little easier to figure out (and hopefully more successful)...Other than that, today was really nice. We went to D.C. and saw the Hirschorn Museum and new Smithsonian Air and Space Bldg -- both classy and impressive places. The movie about flight was especially neat; I enjoy soaring about when I don't have to leave the ground. The weather is still hot, damp and muggy but at least the rain managed to hold off 'til we were out of the mountains...We had dinner over Sally's finally (her apt. looks great) and shot the bull for awhile. It's kind of a downer to head on back tomorrow (especially now that my "friend" has arrived) but week after next -- the beach!)
August 28th
Back home again to my nice, comfortable pen. It IS good to be back again, despite the fact that we had such a pleasant vacation. After all, there's nothing like sleeping in one's own bed. Kerri Dog is as cute (and ugly) as ever and just as raunchy. I guess we'll hold off on her bath 'til we get back from the beach...The ride home was not the most tranquil; we had another blow-up about obligations and the baby. My gripe was that with Don, there's no such thing as a free gift -- everything comes with strings attached. His complaint was more like variations on a theme -- that all the reality problems around here are left to him. We'll work it out, but mainly I'm just glad that we can talk about it...Rick S. made his annual anniversary call tonight and it was good talkin' to him. Think he'll ever settle down?
August 29th
Boy do I have a headache. I've had it all day and nothing seems to help. It's been so long since I've felt this poorly, though. Remember when I used to get headaches all the time? Nevertheless, I managed to get a lot accomplished, like thank-you notes, food shopping, dishes, etc. I think I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to starting the Systems Survey and to seeing if I got any mail; I only hope the place and people have remained intact during my absence...Don's trying to get back into the old studying routine, with the target date of Nov. 1st for his exam. Here we go again?..The Schlengers called late last night. We may have to go back to Balto Oct. 10th for Bunny's father's 80th B-day party...Judy L called today; they won't be able to make it here next weekend.
August 30th
Oh joy, the dog's about to go into heat and this time we have the white rug to worry about. Shit...On the brighter side of things, today dawned clear, beautiful, bright and cool. Really felt like fall. Hope it gets just a bit warmer next week though. And please pray that there's no sludge down there (or hurricanes, either!)...Well, my way at work is becoming clear. Now that the Woman Alone program is about to become a reality, I have only to set the whole thing up, and then threaten to quit. If that doesn't work, I still have Medifax waiting for me in the wings. In the meantime, I also started my Systems Survey. You know, it really feels great though to be part of such a dynamic team. Aaron, Dorothy, Yvonne and Diane are terrific people and I'm learning so much from them.
August 31st
Crazy weather we're having. This morning it was down in the 40's -- record-low temps for this date. And it's even getting dark before 8:30. Can it be possible that we've come to the end of summer so quickly? Unreal. Speaking of unreal, that was the word for lunch today. Haven is holding a 2-day staff workshop, and I joined 15 other aides on a ride in the van to the stage Deli and the Ridgewood duckpond. What a bunch of kooks. Berg was back today for awhile (she moved out to Wanaque this afternoon) but Pete is still recovering from the bug...Things are going full-steam ahead at work, so at least for awhile, pregnancy won't be such a big issue.
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