1970 -- March

March 6th

Within You Without You

We were talking -- about the space
between us all
And the people -- who hide themselves
behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth -- then it's far
too late -- when they pass away
We were talking -- about the love we all
could share -- when we find it
To try our best to hold it there -- with
our love
With our love -- we could save the world
--if they only knew
Try to realize it's all within yourself
no one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
and life flows on within you and without
you
We were talking -- about the love that's
gone so cold and the people,
Who gain the world and lose their soul --
they don't know -- they can't see -- are
you one of them?
When you've seen beyond yourself --
then you may find peace of mind is
waiting there --
And the time will come when you see
we're all one and life flows on within
you and without you
-- George Harrison




March 30th

It's time I got up to date on the ol' room situation. The last I wrote, Jo and I were in a 2 week period of ignoring Terry. Joanne was positively vicious and although the atmosphere was kind of uncomfortable, I enjoyed watching Terry on the receiving end for a change, and I also liked the special closeness that seemed to be growing stronger between Jo and me. She was suddenly so very interested and concerned with me and my problems. I should have been suspicious and slightly nauseated but I was flattered by the attention and the little things, like her notes of appreciation and the book. I grew to like the new turn of events, but I still lived with the dread that Jo and Terry might suddenly start speaking and "make up".

Well, my worst fears were realized when I returned to school 2 Mondays ago to find out that the 2 of them had had it out the nite before. When I asked Joanne about the conversation, she snapped at me. By the time I managed to find out that things were not as they were before the fight, and that the only result was probably just a better understanding of everyone's feelings, I felt disgusted with myself and Jo.

Stupid little me fell for it again. I wondered when the hell I'd ever realize and accept the way that Joanne is -- that she blows hot and cold. Terry, it's true, has been making an obvious effort to imporve things in here, and it's definitely nicer to be on speaking terms with someone than not. But by that time, Terry didn't affect me one way or the other; it was Joanne's attitude that disturbed me. Especially the corker that occurred the day we left for Spring Vacation. She was terribly depressed over her Poli Sci exam and Geology lab but she seemed to prefer to wallow in misery than to talk to me about it. That really bugged me. I'm supposed to be her friend? Well, anyway, I'm back at school now with a final perpsective on the whole stupid mess.

HA!

Terry is already nicely and firmly planted in an irrelevant corner of my mind and Joanne (after 7 months of confusion) has been categorized, too. I appreciate Jo's friendship and enjoy her company fairly often. But I know that I can't trust her or depend on her too much. It's quite a job learning to accept someone the way they are, knowing that you can't change them, yet managing to appreciate their good points at the same time. It's so much easier to "condemn" the whole person. So right now I'm sitting here in the room alone, viewing Jo's arrival as simply another unimportant event of the day. She still makes me a little sick, but that's life.

More than anything, I miss Don now. After 2 really wonderful days, it's hard not to be able to talk to him, knowing that I won't be seeing him for 2 weeks. The last few weeks have been a bit rough for us -- quite a few confrontations. Happily though, we've solved our problems quite well, if his stay here was any indication. As I've said before, we argue pretty successfully and can reach definite conclusions and proposals.

We were hung up for awhile on Don's contention that he couldn't satisfy my demands for attention and my belief that he was becoming edgy and jumping on me too much. But through talking we seemed to resolve these problems. Don sometimes irks me when he explodes into one of his temper tantrums, but I guess that's only the little boy in him popping out. With me at least, he's certainly tolerant and for the most part, wonderfully obliging. I try not to make too many demands and in fact I'd say that we're pretty compatible!

I think it would be fun if one day Don and I took easels and paintbrushes out in the country and painted the scenery! Obviously, neither of us can paint, but the results would be hilarious.

Heard a good word the other day from my geology lab instructor. he was squeezing some clay in the form of a fossil impression, and to make it pliable, he said that he'd just "shmooey" it around.