1997 -- January

January 3rd
The first test of '97 -- The Invitation Flap. All I can do is release it and trust. Lauren and I went at it for awhile, from tension, but it ended up OK. I'm not sure why I feel alright, but I'm grateful that I do. I started my Gratitude Journal -- the new one. And I plan to get back to meditating and on to Tai Chi. After all, I'm going to be, "calm, cool, collected, and have fun this year!"

January 4th
Did a lot today. And boy did Tina make me feel good. That beautiful candle holder and note were definitely the answer to a prayer. I'm appreciated! Lauren made out well with Shelley, apparently; I'll see her in the dresses tomorrow. And another "wish" was answered -- Don dropped off the checks and agreed to help stuff envelopes when I spontaneously asked him too. So slowly but surely it seems it's all coming together. And I guess I'm relieved that Mom and Dad decided to re-finish the furniture instead of buying new. The $ I save will help towards paying off the $15,000 tax bill.

January 5th
Second test of  '97 -- Cleo's stomach virus. Poor little baby (me or her?) -- had to go out and have diarrhea every 1/2 hour. On white fur yet. And she was doing this while I was trying to finish up the invitations and get them out and do a major food shopping for the 1st time in a month. Kind of a suck-y day. And then Lauren and I had a major blow-out, which almost felt like it had to happen and ended up OK. But boy did I feel sorry for myself. I dunno. I just want to have some fun.

January 6th
High voltage evening! Rita and I finished off the Aliyahs and then did a Sacred Path spread for her. (I picked an "Adventure" card. Could one be in the offing?) We ended up at 11:45 after eating Baskin-Robbins and watching Andrew's Bar Mitzvah video. I really liked the DJ and music selections, although it's hard to picture a just-kids party. The energy definitely got to me, and of course now I can't get the Macarena out of my mind. Cleo's much better, thank God. We handled the messes pretty well -- all of us (even if she did end up pink from the spilled Kaopectate!)

January 7th
I'm finally sleepy. Got a lot done today on the Bat Mitzvah front, including asking Ed, Shelly and Felicia about the honors (they were all very touched), writing the rhymes (yes!) and picking the color scheme (preliminarily, with Rita's help). I do love progress, especially since tomorrow I report to NB1! for real. Finally.

January 8th
I think I handled the "Eileen wants a copy of your contract" surprise pretty well; I just wish I knew why Don Feidt hasn't called. I need to put a new proposal together. I like my study, although the noise level takes some getting used to. I especially like being next to Jeff -- we make a good team. May it continue. The one thing I shouldn't have done today was try to run with Cleo. Dumb idea. I'm a lot better, but not that good yet.

January 9th
Let Cleo be OK. It looks like her stomach may be bothering her again and that frankly scares the shit out of me. Tomorrow's a long day for all of us, and we really can't afford another Saturday. and it also worries me that she might have a more serious problem. Give me a break, OK? I'm just getting up and running here again, and I could use some space to do it in. So, please...I truly feel like I'm back in the thick of things @ work. Let this happen, too, because my goals are definitely humanitarian. C'mon, guys!

January 10th
A good day! Finally! I said I wanted purple and "silver" for my color scheme -- and I definitely may have gotten silver! I no longer assume anything, but boy could this be nice. I'll follow up and see what happens! And the possibility with Helene -- Wow! Send lots and lots of light! It's starting to feel a bit like fun, and I'm so glad. And what Judy said today was so great, too: "What would have happened if you never walked through my door?" Maybe it's time for more pleasure. Whatever, I'm on board.

January 11th
You guys MUST be helping. How else could I be managing all this? After all, if even Bunny tells me I'm doing an amazing job...I liked helping Linda Brownlee today and hooking her up with Steve Garbarini. It was another neat synchronicity that he called right after she did. and it felt good helping him out with his patient, too. My blow-up at Lauren didn't feel good, but I think it ended up OK. At least it got her attention ("a month's grounding for eating AJ's Tic Tacs"??) It would be nice if it got easier with her for awhile.

January 12th
Why do we all seem to get these bizarre little conditions? Now it looks like Cleo has a parasitic thing that's causing the recurrent diarrhea. I'll know tomorrow and hopefully it can be treated quickly. What a pain. And the day had been going so well, too. I actually chose to stay in and relax and made progress on the Bat Mitzvah front, including hiring a magician! And tonight was pleasant -- the Movie Channel showed "While You Were Sleeping" and the one with Nicholas Cage about the lottery. Two of my favorite "sensitive guy" movies.

January 13th
A good evening, actually; probably due, at least in part, to the kids (mostly Lauren) being away. I get so used to how crazy she makes me that I don't realize how off-balance I am 'til it quiets down. I enjoyed watching "Dangerous Minds" and relaxing with Cleo. I'm slowly beginning to remember what being with a puppy was like and I'm trying to cut her a little more slack. The movie made me feel good because it was about helping. (And it's OK sometimes not to let others intrude.)

January 14th
This incision hurts again. From over-doing it changing the beds? Or is it that thing that looks like a suture? What a pain...Don "did it again" tonight. Indirectly, but he still started a chain reaction that got Cleo barking, me and Lauren in a fight, and my sense of peace out the window. How does he manage to do that? Negative energy? I really don't know what to do about Lauren. Certain things I can avoid if I need to, like having Karen and Peter visit today, but not her. So, as always, send me lots of light, patience and teen-age angels.

January 15th
An easier day (in spite of Don's usual "Pigpen cloud"). I'm getting psyched at work by the possibility of going full-circle back to Zenner, and matching his vision with my community ideas. Think "they" will let me see him this time? And Lauren was better. We talked stuff out and although she definitely is pulling back, at least she's trying. AJ seems to be trying, work-wise, too. So -- it feels good, and I do appreciate these moments.

January 16th
Weird nite. (What's "normal" anymore?) Starting off with Vera -- please let her be OK, and let her feel supported and loved -- and then calls from Dad, Fran, Jackie, Betty Kaminer, Sandy. In between, I wrote some checks, helped AJ with homework, washed dishes and listened to Lauren's stories about her friends' latest adventures. It's not easy hearing about experimentation with drinking and smoking but we're both acting level-headed, I think. And now AJ's playing Truth of Dare. Wow.

January 17th
A good day, I think! The meeting with Marty and Vince went very well and it looks as if I'm wired into the Event Planning loop. Finally, it seems that I've got everyone working together! Carla called to update me on Vera (we're still waiting for test results), and to thank me for everything I did. I had a good conversation with Amy, where she thanked me too for including her in everything. And then Rita and I made a date for breakfast and tallit shopping on Sunday. Jeannette also invited me for dinner as soon as I can make it, and the cantor referred to the fact that he had read my book! Definitely a good day!

January 18th
Vera's OK! Whatever's bothering her, it's not her heart. Guess what I did? The seating charts for the party! I know things will change, but I think I have the basic format. The yarmulkes arrived! And the rabbi was blown away by Lauren's Devar Torah. So much so that he suggested her handing it out! I'm feeling better in general (except for this sinus headache that I bet is weather-related) and seem to be rolling with the uncomfortable winter weather changes. The kids and Cleo appear to be alright, too. Thanks!...Headache all night...

January 19th
Boy was I UP tonight and how the hell did I get there? Last night was awful, but today I was determined to get moving, and finally mailed the packages and went to 5 department stores looking for a suit. I found the perfect one at Bloomingdale's and it just happens to look like a grown-up version of the red suit I wore to my own Bat Mitzvah! Weird. I also talked to Eileen Welch who will see what she can do about getting me in to see Zenner; and had an inspiration at Anthony Dionysio's about having both our hair blow-outs and our make-up done there on both days! But the best was tonight at dinner when Elayne made the toast about finding the guy in my cowboy pic, and this adorable guy comes around the corner at that exact moment, looking for his gloves. Upcoming destiny?

January 20th
Cleo looks so damn cute with that new haircut that she's getting away with sleeping on the chair downstairs. Nothing much went on today. It's still icy cold, but thank God, no snow. 4 weeks from today is THE DAY. Where in the world did the time go? May we all stay healthy, and the weather be nice. Amen.

January 21st
Sunday Nite Don strikes again. It's not terrible, I guess, but it's certainly vexing. He's having trouble with AJ's lack of initiative concerning Boy Scouts and decided that the best way to deal with it is to opt out. Of course, he still doesn't GET IT, but the question is, what are his options in dealing with the reality of AJ being AJ. I don't know what the answers are, so I just do my best and let it go. On the Up Side: Rita and I are actually talking about going out west this summer! Yes! Who really knows, but I love the way the Universe appears to be working. I'm ready to fall in love with a great guy.

January 22nd
I'm so horny I can't see straight. It's like being 15 again. I told Rita that I blamed it on her, but I'm not sure where this is coming from. It feels different from my other "tight jeans" phases...I was just thinking about all the friends I have now compared to back when I first met JoAnn. WOW. I'm really lucky. Plus -- I can SEE what happens when you're ready.

January 23rd
Some times things really do go smoothly -- sort of. Like our evening schedules tonight. There was flow! Of course there were also the Hymans. Somehow I'm managing not to take all of this seriously ("It just doesn't matter"). I'm choosing to stay focused on the fun part -- like having my family and friends meet each other. I love that stuff. I did well with the new parking lot today. Of course it wasn't raining or freezing, but still -- my attitude was good. I got Jeff to write the stuff for the email newsletter; now to get it out there with my name on it!

January 24th
I did my first NB1 newsletter! NB1 Community Update -- Vol.1, Iss.1. I am so proud of me! Dawn and Maria are making it look nice and it will go out in the next day or two, as soon as our email address is activated. Yes! I can't believe that Jeff and I are just DOING it -- after all the channels it had to go through...Well, I have the tables mostly done for the luncheon. I just need to hear from a few last people. (What will it be like not to have all this to do?) It's too bad Lauren's 90% horrible these days. I wonder when the balance shifted over so far.

January 25th
Boy was I tired today. I didn't even go downstairs and have dinner with the kids. But I did get a dress! I hope the jacket I picked still works with it when it's shortened. It feels like I've been on the phone all night. (Each evening is so different!) I spoke with Amy Sedaka, Ruth, Muriel, Richard Marcus and Linda Brownlee. Nice, but tiring. Guess I'll turn in...

January 26th
The winter's been reasonable so far -- thank you...The news about Dorothy really threw me tonight [her breast cancer]. It kicked up the stuff from 3 years ago with Jan [Brennan], and my own little scare last month. Please let her be OK. It was nice looking at old pix tonight with the kids. So much lately with them has been tense. Today was just errand-running. Tomorrow is the SATs, Fielos and Lauren's sleep-over. I could use another evening like last Friday night.

January 27th
Not a bad day overall. I wasn't too crazy about the kids having champagne, but hey, it's a godparent's prerogative, right? And after all, Lauren did survive the SATs this morning. When we got home we ended up watching "The Longest Day" together for awhile. For some reason, I find that kind of history so fascinating to see and share with them.

January 28th
Rita's so great -- a nice smile on a Sunday night. Got a lot of office work done today; all that filing! AJ just had a nightmare -- something about Lauren and pickles...Let's have a productive, fun week!

January 29th
I must be in worse shape than I thought. Tina remarked that I didn't seem like me and I wasn't even aware of it. I guess I am sort of wired. I think I'm beginning to get subconsciously nervous. Well, the newsletter went out today! Mostly. We still have some problems between cc:mail and TeamLinks. but I'm already mostly through the next one and I'm psyched. (Please let me stay.) Elayne got a new job and it's hard to imagine her working in a happy place. What a relief. Lauren can be SUCH a bitch. Me too.

January 30th
Wrote another newsletter today. I'm really looking forward to putting some of my ideas in there. It was kind of disquieting to realize that I seem to be the only one thinking about how the building should function in terms of "Zenner's vision". Will my insight/input be valued when it comes time for contract renewal? Had a few moments of feeling really really good tonight, realizing, on an emotional level, how much I've actually accomplished in putting these affairs together. Yay me!

January 31st
Boy did I crash tonight. It was a good, productive day though. From finishing the newsletter to interviewing Jeff, to coming up with the Coffee Bar design with Elayne, to finishing up some more Bat Mitzvah stuff. And I got 2 newsletter responses! Dad says I'm an ombudsman and he may have something there. I love operating on all cylinders and then being able to recognize that I need to zone out for awhile, before I lose it. This is good. Thanks~!
 

1966 -- August 12th

Helene picked me up at around 7:30 and she looked great! We stopped at the Plaza so she could get some flashcubes for her 304 Instamatic camera. I brought mine, too. We parked about three blocks from the Civic Center, which was good, considering the crowd. Such weirdos like I've NEVER seen! I mean, I've seen boys with shoulder-length hair before on TV, but it's nothing like in person. One "normal" character was in boots, skin-tight white levis, a wild Carnaby shirt and long blond hair -- it just had to be set.




So...in we went to our seats -- center aisle -- 5th row. Just TOO excellent! After sitting around for a little while I finally located the kids -- Terri, Judy, Ronni and Barb. I told them about going backstage by sign languate. They were dying! They were trying to see my hair with opera glasses. I saw Richard out in the hall. He said he was gonna get me back there. We went back to our seats and the show finally started about 10 minutes late.

First group was The Rare Breed. The most adorable drummer and guitar player were in it. I couldn't see past the girl in front of me without cocking my head. Suddenly the drummer was staring in my direction (I think his name is Scotty). I wanted to make sure that he was looking at me so I turned my head the other way...and so did he! I was SO happy!

In between groups, Ken Crash ("who's he?"). Johnny Dark and some other dumb DJ stalled for time by plugging "Ready, Steady, Go" and some other garbage. Next were the Shades of Blue with one good song,. They also sang "Oh How Happy" I think, and "Sweets for My Sweet". This girl in front of me was a raving maniac. She was hysterical just WAITING for Chad and Jeremy and the Raiders. Weird or not? The place wasn't full but they drew a pretty good crowd -- loud anyway.



So...next came The Uptown Dancers and the Turtles. The Turtles put out an excellent song last year that I would've like to hear, but about 10:00, in the middle of their act, Richard came to take us back.



I was as excited as anything. Up to then, I had to laugh aloud everytime I thought of what a celebrity I'd be to the kids if I really could meet the groups...So, Helene, me and Gordy (his cousin) got up, ducked under the ropes marking off the sides and went into a door marked Stage Door. What a coicidence! HA HA. OK -- so I was nervous. We walked up 3 steps and down a hall toward the stage. There was a black mat over a sort of rubber floor which my heels sank into. We made a right and in two seconds were in front of a door. In we went and I found myself in a room a little larger than my homeroom this past year. I think it was a dressing room from the bright lights, mirror and showers. There were about 25 or 30 boys and girls, especially, lined up around the side of the room. I stayed near the door.

We only had to wait a minute before the door opened and in trooped Chad and Jeremy and Paul Revere and the Raiders.



I was in a beautiful state of shock. After reviving, I received a Chad and Jeremy pamphlet and set off getting autographs. First to be approached was Paul. Upon signing the back of my book (I had no paper), he remarkd, "I know those two chaps". I should hope so, after performing in the same show!



Fang (who also said the same thing!) was next and ran out of ink on the "G". he tried twice to make the pen work and then gave up. Believe me, I know what it says. Chad and Jeremy did the honors following Fang and made nice little practically unintellible scrawls.

I figured it was time for some picture-taking. Actually, I really don't know how I could think at all. I can't remember if I got Paul or not, but I know I shot one of Mark. Fang posed, but I couldn't get the button on the camera down, so I missed it. Don't worry -- I got him and Chad and Jeremy and maybe Harpo. Helene then suggested that I have my picture taken with a couple of them. This was not the place for shyness, so off I went. Believe me, I was in the daze to beat all dazes.

Paul again was first on the list. My brilliant recruiting speech consisted of, "Paul, would you mind if I had my picture taken with you?" He didn't mind. He just put his arm around me (WOW!) and smiled. It's funny but I never realized how tall he is until now. Over 6 foot, I'm sure. His hair was a little shorter than I remember it, but other than that he looked the same.

Next was none other than your favorite and mine, Fang Baby! I repeated the question to him, even though he was busy signing autographs. In repsonse, he put his arm around my neck, and hoding the paper in that hand reached across and continued to sign. I died 1,000,000 times. TV does not do this boy justice. He is precious to beat all precious. But the blasted flashbulb didn't go off, and when we finally got the picture, Fang had his arm back. Oh well. I approached dear Harpo after that (he was sort of by himself) and he smiled his very self-conscious smile and SNAP!

Next come IT, and I do mean IT. I asked Chad to be in a picture with yours truly, and he looked down at me, smiled, and said in that gorgeous British accent, "Of course, luv". Oh God -- What have I done in this world to deserve such ecstasy? Well, you can guess what followed -- TWICE the flash didn't blink. Chad offered to see what was wrong but declined quickly after one look at the camera. He was so funny. All this time his arm was around my waist and I was lapping up every second of that delicious feeling. What a man! Finally it was taken after I had informed Chad that I was not moving until that darn camera worked.

On I moved to darling Jeremy (please don't mind my sentimentality). He's another cute 6 footer, with another luvable grip. He has an adorable way of looking right at you when he talks, with those beautiful big eyes of his. So ended the photography section. Only parts I could kill myself over were missing Smitty and Mark and not getting that "intimate" pic of Fang and I.

Here come the descriptions...As far as my weak brain will allow me to remember (which can't possibly be much considering the condition I was in), Fang looked sharp in tight gray pants with white pin stripes, a groovy long sleeved polka-dot (possibly) shirt and maybe boots. One them had boot loafers on -- don't ask me who. Fang's a doll -- no two ways about it. His hair looked good and I think he had a little more powder makeup on than did the others. He has a real smooth complexion, big eyes like Jeremy, and OOH -- that smile! He'd be great in a toothpaste commercial.

Mark can be described in two words -- tough and sexy. He was both, all over. It leaked out of every pore. He was another tall one -- and big-boned, too. He had his little pigtail, too, which I would've liked to pull. He had brown suede boots, tight pants (what else?), boots and someone, I know, had on an excellent-looking big, black belt. One of my only disappointments of the night was not getting up close to Mark.

Harpo's outfit seems a little hazy -- something like a bright colored (possibly orange) jersey. Chad and Jeremy looked fantastic. I can't tell you exactly what they wore until I get the pictures back, but they looked great. Most of it was brown, though. Smitty was a panic. A little guy with a stern-looking expression -- he got to this girl's heart all right.

That being over, I leaned against a wall and stared at Fang who looked a little bushed. Then I joined everyone for a group photo, professionally taken. Mark had both of his arms over the shoulders of two girls so I wedged myself in beside him. His elbow is tough, too. (What? ;-) I wish I had bought color film and had gotten more pictures, and that there was more time. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. Oh yeah -- I would've liked to have said something about Laredo to C&J.

All of a sudden, we were all out of the room and Helene handed me a C&J album -- not yet on sale and grabbed from somewhere. Before sitting down again (it was intermission) I went over to the gang. They were gnashing their teeth in envy. They had seen me leave. The girl in front of them kept trying to say something to me but couldn't get it out. I was still starry-eyed. Then the second stage set in where my knees turned to water and I just had to sit down or fall down.



The show went on. Some dumb group called the Guillotines had their damn amplifiers on too loud and when the crowd yelled at everybody from the police to the DJs to turn them down, they misunderstood us for yelling at the group. Dummies. Tommy Roe was OK -- nothing spectacular.



Chad and Jeremy had everybody going crazy from the minute the curtains opened. Jeremy is a lot more of a ham, I think. He yelled (jokingly) at the girl in front of me to shut up and she wilted on the spot. All she could say wuz "He talked to me, he looked at me" over and over again. They sang a nice little dirty song and a medley, plus "Distant Shores" -- just great.

And then -- THE RAIDERS! What an act! I didn't scream during the show; just chewed gum like a maniac. It was pure maniacal bliss. Their routines are 50 times as great in person. Everything had perfect timing, and even a wrong note hit by Paul was funny. The place was bedlam. Terri was jumping up and swinging her jacket with the rest of them. But I got a little fed up with a girl hollering in my ear, so I upped and went to watch from behind the rope. I even managed to edge closer to the stage than any other kid there. It seems practically impossible, to me, to jump the gate to the stage. Between the first row and the guard rail there are a few cops, then there's a drop with 10 policemen lining the bottom of the stage and some on each side. It's a good arrangement.

Anyway, a little after my move we were all hustled backstage where after a few minutes, I went in the wings to watch the performance. Absolutely everybody was remarking how polished and professional their act was, as well as funny. We mustn't forget the songs either. My favorite was one by Fang entitled, "Baby, Please Don't Go". Linda's got it on her album, which I promptly borrowed.

Too soon there was an abrupt silence and I realized that the curtain had been drawn. Here comes the neat part -- Almost immediately, the Raiders laid down their instruments and charged in my direction (I heard today that Harpo may have ripped his pants). They looked so good in their costumes. In the room I forgot about their outfits and was thinking that they would wear the clothes I described. But those are their EVERYDAY clothes. ACK!

Four Raiders ran by but Gordy's mother stopped Fang and begged him to sign his name. I could see him having little fits. He hollered for the rest of the boys to hold the bus. I stood next to him and stared. He was so hot that a little drop of sweat had dripped down on his chin. Then off he ran. I chased after him, and Helene after me, then Richard and some other guys. I missed seeing them and C&J get on the bus, but I saw it pull out from out back. What an exit! But even then, some kids were out screaming by the bus. I heard that they stayed for awhile at the Holiday Inn. Some guy said he passed there earlier and some 400 girls were out front with WE LOVE THE RAIDERS signs.

I'd love to do it again. I'm just sorry I don't remember as much as I'd like to, and that I didn't get to say some things I wanted to say. Before we left, I managed to fool around for a few minutes with Paul's keyboard. His fingerprints were all over it...